my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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