You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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