I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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