Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
