The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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