Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize