my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
