i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
