just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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