Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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