I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
