If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
birth control should be required to get into college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
