This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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