tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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