Got a toothbrush?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
