she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize