This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
