I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
