so that wasnt chicken after all
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
