No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
