Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
