so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
