Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize