It's Friday. Sex?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize