I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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