Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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