Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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