Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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