It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
