Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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