End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
