I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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