He uses pillows to masturbate.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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