His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
