He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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