Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
