from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
