So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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