I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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