She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
