just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize