so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
