that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
