He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize