sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
