Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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