Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
