May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
