Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
