Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
