My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize