his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
