Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
