Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
