took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
