Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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