Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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