Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize