i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just forgot I was standing up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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