I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
