First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
