The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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