I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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