capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As shirtless as possible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
