guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
