he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
