nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
