I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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