i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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