I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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