Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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