its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
