you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
