Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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