you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
