Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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