Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
