I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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