So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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