first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are the jesus of drinking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
