seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
