i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sarcasm needs its own font
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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