I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
