what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
