she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
