I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
