I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
