I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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