I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
