can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
two words...techno handjob
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
