We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
