I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
