wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
