how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
