ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
