Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
