The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
